i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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