i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
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Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
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Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Couch. On fire.
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