Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize