I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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