Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
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So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
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5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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