He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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