hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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