Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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