My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize