It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize