At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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