Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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