Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
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She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
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I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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