I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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