A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
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I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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