Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
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