She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
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I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
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I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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