worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
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Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
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I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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