Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
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Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
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I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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