Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
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Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
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She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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