Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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