Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
My dick has a subreddit
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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