I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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