just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
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I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize