Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
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