i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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