please come you make the beer taste better
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize