just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
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