I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
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But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
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The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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