you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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