Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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