speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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