Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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