Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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