I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
We left the knife in your bed.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize