Pants 0. Shit 1.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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