Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
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Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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