If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
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Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
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There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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