You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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