Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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