I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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