is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
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I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
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You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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