she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize