Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bang-toberfest begins!!
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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