she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
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shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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