I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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