I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
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i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
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I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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