If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize