So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize