Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
In America we eat man semen.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
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Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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